Several of my best friends are dealing with serious physical conditions. I try to be a caring friend, talking with them in various media (text, phone, email as they prefer.)
But the other evening when I was getting ready for bed, I looked in the mirror (which for some reason I avoid) and was surprised how drawn but ruddy my face looked. I hadn't been doing anything but reading and watching videos most of the day. I noticed I had some shortness of breath. Which also means coughing a lot.
It gave me pause. Without any pain, would this be my last night? I did finally go to sleep. And when dawn came, rolled over and went back to sleep.
Hey girl, you woke up!
Nope it didn't work. So I'm still kind of dragging around. It kind of hit me like a freight train this time. Or maybe my lungs really are ready to stop...but I think it's just the emotional reaction to knowing one of these nights I very well may not be waking up in the morning. That thought and feeling just depressed me no end.
Well rather than continue to whine, I'll just say the sun is shining, it will be getting warm today, and I have a commitment that I will honor, so I'm getting out there! I only write this down because I want to remember that I've been here (emotionally) today, and before...this is seasonal also. I'm not trying to get my blog buddies to send me good wishes...I think each of us has our own "cross to bear" as my mother would have said. Challenge is the term I use.
This is a journal in one sense...my sharing with you mostly the externals of my life, but sometimes my internal doings just bubble up. Thanks for reading.
PS, I didn't go to the studio yesterday afternoon, but did laundry. I felt so much better having given myself a closet full of clean clothes, and a bed with clean sheets. I can be creative again soon. For now I'm just creating my own life to be as good as I can.
Today's quote:
and The Healing Papers
We must be thankful for each day! I am sending good wishes. Take care of yourself. Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteYes, I've long time worked on a gratitude list to lift my spirits!
DeleteBreath..we are addicted to air! ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteA pretty fundamental idea that! But i often forget the focus that;s available for it,
Delete...getting old ain't for sissies!
ReplyDeleteSays one who knows!
DeleteI don't comment much anymore since I no longer have a blogger account, but I read your blog everyday and want you to know that I am thinking of you and sending good wishes your way. (NewRobin13)
ReplyDeleteOh how nice to hear from you Robin. I appreciate yhat we are blogger-friends! You may not blog now but I have fond memories of your cloud and sky knowledge!
DeleteBarbara, We bloggers can't help ourselves - we all are sending good wishes your way. Spring is on the way. You have a lot to look forward to in the days, weeks, months and years ahead.
ReplyDeleteTrue indeed Marcia. Each day brings us closer to spring in all its beauty.
DeleteAs you may read, I think tomorrow, I recently had a thought about the cessation of life.
ReplyDeleteThis should be interesting. Usually I consider it just going through a door to an unknown room, but I;m enjoyimg too much here to want to say goodbye to it,
DeleteWishing you well!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I;m typing with just 2 fingers cause i just put hand lotiom on, but i should hve waited.
DeleteI have those thought too, Barb. But, in my opinion, dying in one's sleep, in one's own bed, is a blessing --as opposed to a long drawn out stay in a care facility. But this time of year and at this time of life, it's easy to find oneself with gloomy thoughts. You sound like you're doing all the right things. And when Spring is finally here, we will all get a boost.
ReplyDeleteRight there with all the others, sending hugs. I understand what you are saying; I don't yet have serious health issues, but even so, who really knows if they will wake in the morning? Still, it had to be a bit frightening for you. I know you enjoy your life and still have things you want to do. Old Scratch will just have to wait until you're ready!
ReplyDeleteLooking out for other people is noble, but it can be draining. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDelete